Dealing
by Navy Babe
Summary: This is how I wished that Harm and Mac dealt with Baby Sarah's death.
1. Default Chapter

Summary: How Harm and Mac deal with Baby Sarah's death. Spoilers: Forgot the name, but the one where Baby Sarah dies. Disclaimer: Not mine, just wish they were. Author's notes: This is the longest fic I've posted so far, I'm kind of afraid to post some longer ones, so please review and tell me if you think I should start posting some of my longer stuff.  
  
Mac sat on her couch, reading a book that she had started two weeks ago, but hadn't had the time to finish it. Suddenly there was a loud pounding on her door.  
  
"Who the hell is knocking on my door at 9:23 at night?" She grumbled, not wanting to be disturbed. She put the book down and went to go see who was at the door. All thoughts of her book fled, when she saw who it was. She flung open the door, and there stood Harm, not at all the usual arrogant flyboy. He was soaked and out of breath, and his red-rimmed eyes suggested that he had been crying. 'Harm, crying? Something must be really wrong.'  
  
"Harm what's wrong? Why are you soaked?" Mac's voice was full of concern.  
  
"Bud, Harriet.Sarah, Baby Sarah." Harm managed to get out before he collapsed into Mac's arms. He clung to her like a lifeline, feeling that if he let go she would fly away. She soothingly ran her fingers through his hair. She managed to close and lock the door, and walk back to the couch, never once breaking their connection. As they sat down on the couch, Harm pulled Mac onto his lap and buried his face in her chest, crying quietly.  
  
"Tell me what's wrong Harm, please. What happened to Bud and Harriet and Sarah?" A knot formed in her stomach, dreading the words she had a feeling were coming. Harm looked up at her, and her heart broke as she saw the tortured look in his eyes.  
  
"The Admiral found Bud back at JAG. Something about a prolapsed placenta or something. She's gone Mac-Sarah.She's gone!" Harm started to cry again and this time Mac joined him. They cried for a few minutes, trying to find strength in each other. Harm held her so close it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. Slowly their cries quieted, and they just sat there. Mac broke the silence first.  
  
"You need to get out of those wet things. For some reason I have some clothes of yours, I'll go get them." Harm followed her into the bedroom. Mac threw him the clothes and went to go brew some tea. Harm ambled out of the bedroom a few seconds later. Mac handed him a mug and they sat down on the couch. Needing to feel him, Mac snuggled closer to Harm.  
  
"She's really gone." Mac muttered still not believing it.  
  
"Yeah." Harm put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer.  
  
"Why'd you come here? And why were you soaked?"  
  
"I didn't know where else to go." He stated simply. "I ran out of gas a few blocks away and I got out and started running. I had to see you." His voice was thick with emotion.  
  
"Stay the night. I don't want to be alone." Mac's voice was soft and pleading.  
  
"Anything Sarah, anything for you." A silence fell over them, the reality starting to sink in. "Why didn't you go to Renee?" Part of her wanted to know, the other part was afraid she'd hear he'd gone to the video princess first, only to come to her when Renee wasn't there.  
  
"Renee. I don't know I didn't even think about her 'til just now." There was a pause as if Harm was collecting his thoughts. " Remember when I thought I was seeing my dad?" Mac nodded. "It's kinda like that. I didn't even think of Jordan, until you mentioned her. You've always been who I run to when something happens. You're my rock Sarah." Mac choked up at Harm's use of her given name.  
  
"You're my rock too, Harm. You've always been there." Their gazes locked. For once, Mac had gotten her Hallmark moment. But then they were rudely interrupted by the telephone ringing. Mac smiled ruefully. She wiggled out of Harm's embrace and went to go answer the phone.  
  
"Sarah Mackenzie."  
  
"Hello luv. Hope you've been keeping the bed warm for me."  
  
"Mic!" Harm looked up at Brumby's name and started to study Mac intently. "Mic look, this isn't a very good time. Harm's over and." Mac didn't get to finish her sentence.  
  
"Bloody hell! Rabb's over?! You're turnin' me out for Rabb?" Mac now noticed that Mic's words were slightly slurred.  
  
"Mic try to understand. Harm and I just found out something terrible and we really need to be with each other."  
  
"Sure." Mic muttered sarcastically. "Sarah if something terrible has happened, I'd think you'd want your fiancee over, not. whatever the hell Rabb is to you!"  
  
"First of all Mic, you're not my fiancee! You're. I don't know what you are! But I do know that Harm is the most important person in my life, and if you can't accept that, then you as of now, are not a part of my life!" Mac was infuriated with Mic. She had had enough of him laying the guilt trips on her. Every chance he got, he reminded her of how he had given up everything for her. Many times, she pointed out that she had not asked him to dump everything to move halfway around the world. And she always got defensive when he would bring up the topic of Harm. "Come by tomorrow morning to pick up your ring. I can't stand the sight of it anymore!" With that, Mac slammed the receiver down, almost knocking the whole phone off the table.  
  
She went back to her place next to Harm. He had watched Mac's side of the phone conversation, and could tell the minute that Mic said something that made her mad. Mac sighed angrily and leaned into Harm. He ran his fingers through her hair, and ran his other hand up and down her back, both actions meant to soothe her. Once her breathing returned to normal, he began talking to her.  
  
"I'm guessing that Mic isn't coming over?"  
  
"You would be guessing right Sailor." Mac slid the diamond ring off her finger, and placed it on the coffee table. "He just doesn't seem to get why you are so important to me. None of the guys in my life have understood our relationship."  
  
"Maybe you just haven't found the right guy. I am sorry, Sarah." A ghost of a smile danced across her lips.  
  
"No you're not, you've always hated Mic." He held up his hands, and cracked a smile. "Guilty." Both chuckled. Harm put an arm around her waist, and pulled her closer. Mac let loose a little yawn, which didn't go unnoticed by Harm.  
  
"Hey you're sleepy, we should get you to bed."  
  
"Whatever Harm, just don't leave me." Mac murmured tiredly. Harm scooped her up, and carried her into her bedroom. Mac reveled in the feeling of being in his arms. Her head was pressed against his chest, and she could feel his heart beat. Harm set her down on the bed, and held the covers up for her. She gratefully slipped beneath the covers. Harm was about to leave, when he heard Mac's soft voice.  
  
"Hold me Harm?" Those soft words were all he needed to hear, as he turned around, took off his shoes, and got into her bed. Mac rolled onto her side, so she was facing him, and buried her head in his chest. "Night Harm." With that she drifted off to sleep. When Harm was sure she was asleep he spoke.  
  
"Night Sarah, I love you." With that he closed his eyes. He didn't see the soft smile that then graced her face. 


	2. The next morning

Author's Notes: I just now remembered the title of the episode in which Baby Sarah dies. It's "The Princess and the Petty Officer". This of course came to me at like 11:30 at night, so I had to jot it down on my hand, and it was barely legible. Anyway. Here's chapter 2, please please review!  
  
Mac lay in her bed, just watching Harm sleep. He looked so peaceful, you could never imagine that this man had any faults. She smiled as she watched his chest rise and fall, her breathing unconsciously readjusting to match his. She suddenly had the overwhelming urge to touch him. She reached out and ran her fingers through his hair. He stirred and slowly opened his eyes.  
  
"Mac? Where am I?" He murmured groggily. Mac smiled softly, and couldn't resist playing with him a little.  
  
"My bed." Harm was definitely awake now. Mac giggled. "Harm, both you and I are fully clothed, relax." She smiled at him, and it seemed like he was in a trance. He realized how much he loved that smile.  
  
"C'mon Mac, just two more minutes. Please?" Harm shut his eyes tightly and put a pillow over his face.  
  
"Oh no you don't Flyboy! You're going to get up and go on a run with me, then we're going to go to JAG. Up and at 'em, Sailor!" She straddled his middle and pinned his arms on the side of his head.  
  
'Oh boy, not a good idea.' Mac thought. 'Damn, why do I have to love him so much?' Their faces were so close, that she could feel Harm's warm breath on her face. For a minute, she stayed on top of him, enjoying being so close to him.  
  
Meanwhile, Harm was trying to keep his mind on anything but Mac's close proximity. But he couldn't help it, she was so beautiful and she smelled so good. He hated being her partner sometimes, just because he couldn't be the one whose ring she was wearing. But then last night's conversation came back.  
  
"Come by tomorrow morning to pick up your ring. I can't stand the sight of it anymore!" He looked down at her right hand and saw no ring.  
  
"Mic already come over?" He asked quietly. Mac sighed and looked down.  
  
"Yeah. Or at least I think he did. I just left the ring in an envelope outside the door. So for all I know, some homeless guy could've come in and taken it. Not like I care." She looked away and released Harm's hands. Quickly his hand came up to Mac's face and caressed her cheek. They stared at each other, knowing that no words were needed.  
  
"All right, you win. I'll get up." Harm said, breaking the silence. Mac smiled and rolled off of Harm. She landed next to him and just lay there looking at him.  
  
"I knew you'd give in Squid."  
  
"Well Marine, I must say that you have interesting persuasive skills. That's the first time that I've been jumped by someone trying to persuade me."  
  
"And it better be the only time." Mac said, a tinge of protectiveness in her voice. But then she remembered that she had no right to feel protective of him. He was Renee's. But still, she couldn't help but think of what would've happened if they had stayed in that position for just a few more seconds.  
  
'Well I can dream can't I?' Mac thought. Just then a pillow hit her in the face. She threw the pillow off, and was greeted by Harm's flyboy grin.  
  
"C'mon Ninja Girl! You were the one that told me to get up, I expect you to do the same."  
  
"Oh I'll get up all right." Mac growled. She then launched herself into Harm's arms from the bed. Taken completely by surprise, Harm was grateful that he had such quick instincts. If he didn't catch her, he'd have a very angry Marine on his hands. More like on the floor. It was like she was reading his mind as she whispered into his ear.  
  
"It's a good thing that you caught me Flyboy. Besides the fact that I'd be a not too happy Marine, I could razz you forever about Squid's having the reflexes of a turtle!" She smiled and kissed his cheek.  
  
'Where did that come from?' Mac thought. She pulled back so she could see Harm's face. He had a look of shock on his face at first. But then, as he lowered her to the ground, the shock turned into, love almost. He looked very happy, and if Mac looked hard enough she swore she could see a flicker of desire. 'Well I guess that he didn't hate it too much.'  
  
She then slowly untangled herself from Harm's arms and walked toward the bathroom. "I'll get changed in the bathroom, you can just stay in those sweats." Suddenly, Mac turned her head and winked at Harm. It was a total spur of the moment thing. Then, she disappeared into the bathroom, having grabbed some sweats on her way there. Harm stood there, staring at the door, mesmerized.  
  
'Wow!' Was the only coherent thing coming into Harm's mind.  
  
Author's Notes cont.: Okay I know that had pretty much nothing to do with the story, but I thought it was cute. Anyway, the next chapter will probably have more to do with Mac, Harm, and Baby Sarah. As always please review! 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three  
  
Author's Notes: This chapter is probably gonna be really short, because just one little scene came into my head, and I just felt that I had to write it down. I hope the next chapter will be longer.  
  
As always, please review, I love reading them!  
  
  
  
Harm and Mac stepped out of the elevator, into the bullpen. They were standing close, but not touching. The backs of their hands were touching, a silent show of support. It was going to be hard, over the past 11 hours and 32 minutes, their world had changed forever. Although they assumed, eventually, things would return to something that resembled normal, but everyone would always have an empty place in their heart for Sarah Roberts.  
  
The bullpen was quiet, which was very unusual. Everyone seemed to be very somber, no one really saying anything to one another. It seemed very strange, without the always cheerful lieutenants around. Mac and Harm reluctantly separated, to go to their respective offices. Mac sighed and dropped her briefcase to the floor. They had both been fine in the morning, almost pushing reality away, and just enjoying their time together. But when they both got into Mac's 'vette, the reality settled in. The little girl that would have been their goddaughter was gone forever. They hadn't had a chance to say hello or goodbye.  
  
She rubbed her temples, trying to rid herself of the headache that she could feel coming on. She already missed Harm. He had been there while she cried, held her while she slept. She was comforted by the thought that he was only in the next office over. She remembered how it had felt waking up in his arms. It was strange, for the first night in a long time, she had slept through the night.  
  
On their way to JAG, they had to stop by Harm's apartment, so that he could get ready for work. While Harm was getting ready, Mac absent-mindedly wandered around his apartment. A picture caught her attention. It was of her and Harm at little AJ's christening. She was holding AJ and Harm was standing behind her, his hand at the small of her back. They were both looking lovingly down at AJ. Tears welled up in her eyes as she realized they'd never get the same chance with little Sarah. Harm came out and noticed how Mac's shoulders were shaking with quiet sobs. Without hesitation, he took her into his arms, urging her to cry into his shoulder. She gratefully accepted his shoulder, and cried until she felt a little better. He wiped her tears away, took her hand and they silently left the apartment.  
  
She lost her train of thought, as she heard a quiet knocking at her door. She softly called, "Enter." Her mood brightened a little when she saw Harm's face.  
  
"I missed you. I couldn't seem to get any work done." He said a bit sheepishly. Mac smiled sweetly, and motioned for him to come in. He closed the door behind him, and shut her blinds. Mac got up from her desk, and wrapped her arms around Harm's waist.  
  
"I missed you too flyboy." To some people, it might have seemed strange, for they had just parted way five minutes ago. But it was the truth. Just having Harm in the same room comforted Mac. They separated and Harm set his files on Mac's desk. Mac went around to sit in her chair, and Harm sat in one of her other chairs. Quietly they both got to work. A few minutes later they were interrupted by a knock on the door.  
  
"Enter!" Mac called out. PO Tiner poked his head in.  
  
"Sorry to interrupt you ma'am, but the Admiral wants to see you and the Commander, and I was wondering if you knew where the Commander was?" Tiner then who saw who else was in her office. "Oh, well, the Admiral would like to see you both." Mac nodded and got up, Harm followed suit. They walked to the Admiral's office together.  
  
They opened the door, and slipped inside, Harm closing the door behind them. "Reporting as ordered, Sir." They said, in unison.  
  
"At ease." AJ motioned for them to take a seat. "How are you two holding up?"  
  
"We're dealing with it, Sir." Mac said glancing at Harm. "We're planning to go to the hospital after work." AJ nodded.  
  
"I know that this has affected you and the lieutenants the most, so if you two need leave, just ask. I'm granting Bud and Harriet leave until they are fit to come back. When you go to the hospital, give Harriet and Bud my condolences." AJ looked down at Mac's hands, clasped in her lap. When he saw no ring, he looked up at her questioningly.  
  
"No Sir, I'm not marrying Mr. Brumby anymore. I removed his ring this morning. If that's all, Sir, the Commander have work to do."  
  
AJ nodded. "Dismissed." Mac and Harm stood in unison, and came to attention. They walked back to Mac's office, not speaking to each other, but knowing that no word were needed. Just being around each other was enough. They silently started working again, almost dreading the trip to the hospital ahead of them. 


	4. Chapter 4

Dealing Chapter 4  
  
Author's Notes: I'm not exactly sure where Harriet was when she gave birth, so for the time being, I'm writing it as Bethesda. If anyone knows what hospital she was in, please feel free to tell me. This chapter is probably going to again be short (sorry).  
  
The car ride to Bethesda was quiet, Harm and Mac both trying to figure out what to say to their friends. Neither had ever experienced this kind of pain before, and weren't sure how to act around poor Bud and Harriet. All to soon the drive was over, and they found themselves in the parking lot of Bethesda Naval Hospital. They entered the hospital hand in hand.  
  
"We're here to see Lt. Harriet Sims. We were wondering what room she's in?" The nurse smiled and turned to her computer.  
  
"Lt. Sims is in room 402, it's on the fourth floor. The elevators are to your left, and when you get there ask the desk up there and they should be able to tell you more."  
  
"Thank you." Harm and Mac went towards the elevator. They pressed the button for the fourth floor, and were silent as the shaft began its ascent. As they reached the fourth floor, Mac instinctively grabbed Harm's hand. Harm realized that they were still in uniform, in a military facility, but couldn't bring himself to let go.  
  
"Could you please direct us to room 402?" Harm asked the nurse at the front desk. The nurse smiled and nodded.  
  
"Go down the hall over there, take a left and then an immediate right, the room's on the left side." Harm nodded his thanks, and he and Mac made their way to Harriet's room. They both took steadying breaths, and pushed open the door. Harriet sat in bed looking at the wall. She didn't physically look different, but the light that normally occupied her eyes was gone.  
  
"Hello sir, ma'am. You didn't have to come." Harriet said, in a tone that was supposed to sound normal, but failed miserably.  
  
"Of course we had to come Harriet, you and Bud are some of our closest friends." Mac said, as she sat down. "How are you feeling?" Harm came to stand behind Mac, and put his hands on her shoulders. Harriet held back a smile, at seeing the intimate touch between her two best friends.  
  
"Well, physically I'm fine, but emotionally, I just don't know. I never even got to hold her ma'am. And now she's just gone." Harriet blinked to keep her tears from falling.  
  
"It's okay Harriet." Mac said, taking her hand.  
  
"Where's Bud?" Harm asked quietly.  
  
"I ordered him to go home." Harriet said. The three friends laughed.  
  
"You know he outranks you Harriet." Mac said.  
  
"Maybe at JAG, but not around the house." They had another good laugh at poor Bud's expense. "I really want to thank you, sir, ma'am, for coming, it means a lot to me."  
  
"Anytime Harriet. Call me if you need anything." Mac said, getting out of the chair. It was then that Harriet noticed that the ring wasn't on her right hand. She tried to indiscreetly get a look at her other hand, but Mac caught on to what she was doing.  
  
"I took it off last night, Harriet. I couldn't pretend that I could marry him anymore."  
  
"As long as you're happy, ma'am." Mac looked at Harm.  
  
"I am Harriet." She smiled, and turned back to Harriet. "I'll come by tomorrow, if that's all right?" Harriet nodded. Harm bent down and kissed Harriet's forehead.  
  
"We'll see you soon Harriet." They walked out of the hospital room, and only then did Harriet allow herself to smile. It was the first real smile since this whole thing had started.  
  
'It's about time!' She thought as she drifted off to sleep. 


	5. Chapter 5

Dealing Chapter 5  
  
Author's Notes: I'm guessing that this might be the last chapter for this story. I've had a good time writing it, and all the positive feedback has helped me immensely. As always please review, and tell me if you liked it, hated it, whatever. Now on with the story!  
  
  
  
Mac stood at the window, staring down at the streets below. She was at Harm's apartment, staying the night. After the hospital visit, they had stopped by a deli, around the corner from the apartment, and picked up dinner. They spent the rest of the night, mostly going over cases, sometimes talking.  
  
She had fallen asleep in her Sailor's arms again, but in the middle of the night, she awoke and couldn't get back to sleep. So she got out of bed, careful not to wake Harm, and started to wander around the apartment. About twenty minutes ago, she stopped at the window, and began to think. So there she was, standing at the window, her arms around her waist, thinking. This was how Harm found her. He silently approached her from behind, and covered her arms with his own.  
  
She tensed in his arms, but when she inhaled his scent, she relaxed. "Hey Harm, did I wake you?" Her voice was quiet and distant. Harm brushed his lips against her ear.  
  
"Nope, not really. I just woke up, and you weren't there. What's wrong?" He placed a gentle kiss on her neck. She sighed and leaned into him.  
  
"Nothing's really wrong, I'm just thinking." They were silent for a few moments, as they watched the streets below. Mac then started to think aloud. "Everything is fine one minute, but then the next, the world can fall apart. What if something was to happen to one of us? Right now, I think that we're on the right path towards us. But tomorrow, you could go out to get lunch or something, and get in a car wreck. I would lose you without getting to. . ." Her voice trailed off. She turned around and buried her face in Harm's chest.  
  
"Without getting to do what, Mac?" He asked, gently, wanting her to open up. She looked into his eyes.  
  
"Never getting to do this." She whispered, as she moved in. Their lips met in a sweet kiss. A kiss that said everything that words could not. After a few blissful moments, they broke apart. "And I'd never get to tell you that I love you." She looked away, once again afraid of rejection.  
  
Harm hooked a finger under her chin, and made her look him in the eye. "Sarah, this whole thing has made me realize that life is too short. I've decided that I can't go on, pretending that I don't love you." She looked up at him, tears in her eyes.  
  
"You love me?" She asked. Harm looked deep into her eyes, and saw the vulnerable little girl that she had once been.  
  
"Yes Sarah, I love you. I always knew that I was attracted to you, but when we went flying, and that guy shot you; I was so afraid of losing you. I knew that I loved you, and that love has grown so much over the years. That night, in Sydney, I thought that you understood that I just needed time. My life was at a screwed up place, and I wanted to be able to give you everything you wanted, but I felt that I just couldn't do that then. The rest of the times, I don't know, something always seemed to be in the way. A girlfriend, a fiancée, something. I am so sorry for making you wait, Sarah." Mac smiled.  
  
"Wow, for a man that usually ran away from these kind of conversations, that was one hell of a speech Flyboy." She gently kissed him again. Then she reached down and pinched him lightly on the arm.  
  
"Hey what was that for Marine?" Harm asked, rubbing his arm, feigning hurt.  
  
"Just making sure this is no dream. Cuz Lord knows, that I've had it enough times."  
  
"I assure you Ms. Mackenzie, this is no dream." Harm smiled and bent down to kiss her again.  
  
  
  
Author's Notes: * sigh * Doesn't everyone love happy endings? * everyone shakes their head in agreement* Me too! So, please review, and tell me what you think of the story, or just this chapter in general. Also, please tell me if you might have any ideas for a sequel; if one jumps out at me, I might use it! 


End file.
